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Mother’s Day has come and gone but it is never too late to say “mahalo” to all mothers. One of my favorite professors in medical school, Dr. David Smith, a pediatrician, said something to our junior class the day after one Mother’s Day, and I will never forget it. He said, “One thing you want to remind all mothers in your practice … Children are like nuclear waste … they are FOREVER!”

Oh, more words of wisdom from Dr. Smith. He said, “If you are in the delivery room, you are sure who the mother is, but you can never be sure who the father is!” (This was just before the science of DNA testing.) … Now for more LOLs.

Just to bring all you men on board: Here are some amazing, simple home remedies:

*Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting your wife to hold them.

*A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and

going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

*You need only two tools in life … WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should,

use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape. … and the finale …

*If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem! … nope, one more …

*If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxative, then you’ll be afraid to cough …

*And never, never take a laxative and sleeping pills on the same night. Enough?

Hey guys, I’m picking on you today. An airline introduced a special package for business men: Buy your ticket and get your wife’s ticket free. Wow. After great success, the company sent letters to a number of the wives asking how they enjoyed the trip. All of them gave the same reply: “What trip?” … and then the fights started …

A lady is talking to her doctor about her husband’s habit of talking in his sleep. “What should I give him to cure it?” she asked.

The doctor said, “Give him a chance to speak when he is awake! Oh, and here are some sleeping pills so your husband can have some rest and peace.”

The wife asked, “When do I give them to him?”

“They are for you,” said the doctor.

A preacher was walking down the street when he notices a little boy trying to ring a doorbell, but it was just out of his reach. He watched his efforts for awhile, then walked over, lifts the boy up and the little boy rings it and smiles!

“Now what?” the preacher asks.

The little boy turns and shouts, “Now, we run!”