The following is a quote from one of my brighter doctor friends as he was replying to a question about the plans for “government health care.” He said, “If government is the answer, just imagine how stupid the question is!”
Yep, my friends, disinformation — or non-information — is everywhere these days. So … let’s find some laughter therapy and smile the rest of the day!
A new doctor was in town and had a reputation for “miracle cures.” It was rumored that he could cure anything and anybody. Mr. Smith, the town grouch, just refused to believe all this hype, so he paid the doctor a visit.
He went in and told the doctor, “Hey Doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothing, and so what are you going to do?”
The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself, then told Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43!”
“Jar #43?” Mr Smith repeated.
The doctor then brings out the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it, immediately spits it out and yells, “This is sooooo gross!”
“I’ve just restored your sense of taste, Mr. Smith,” said the doctor. So, Mr. Smith went home and was mad that he made a fool of himself.
A month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor, determined to prove the doctor is a fake.
“Mr. Smith,” the doctor greeted him, “what’s your problem now?”
“Doc,” he said, “I can’t remember! I can’t remember anything!”
Thinking he’s got the doctor, he watches as the doctor scratches his head, mumbles to himself a little and then said, “What you need is jar number 43!”
… Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith ran out of his office. The doctor smiled and said to himself … “You see, I restored your memory!”
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, a black eye, and torn clothes. It was obvious he had been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
“Well, Dad, I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons,” Little Pete said.
“Uh-huh,” said his father, “that seems fair.”
“I know” said Little Pete, “but I never thought he would choose his sister!”
Now a bit of senior temper control. An older couple was sitting on their porch one evening and the husband said, “Whenever I get mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper?”
The wife replied, “Oh, I just go and clean the toilet.”
“How does that help?” asked the husband.
“I use your toothbrush!” she said. … and then the fight began …
And those of you who celebrated St. Patrick’s Day, here’s a great one. An Irish priest was driving down to New York and got stopped for speeding. The state trooper smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” replied the priest.
The trooper said, “Then why do I smell wine in this bottle?”
The priest looked at the bottle and exclaimed, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
One more from St. Paddy? Walking into the bar, Mike said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Charlie! Just had another fight with me little woman!”
“Oh yeah?” said Charlie. “And how did this one end?”
“Well, when it was over, she came to me on her hands and knees,” said Mike.
“Really,” said Charlie, “Now that’s a switch! What did she say?”
She said, “Come out from under the bed, you little chicken!’”