Yahoo Weather

You are here


Aloha my friends and laughter therapy patients. My only political joke today … What’s the difference between politics and baseball? In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing. OK … one more? How many presidents does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: None! They’ll only promise change.

While a young man was shopping for pet supplies in Puna, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Hey, Brah! Hey, you … I just saw da thief driving off with your BMW!

“Oh dear me,” the young man screamed. “Did you try and stop him?”

“No,” said the clerk. “But nevah worry. I get da license plate number!”

OK, I’ll pick on my relatives in this next one. This is “How to Install a Red Neck Home Security System.”

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads … “Me, Betty Sue and Donnie Ray went for more ammo and beer. Be back in about an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but hard to tell from all the mess. Anyway, I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait out side! Cooter.”

Now here’s a true love story….An 89-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting. When he went before the judge at court, he asked him, “What did you steal?”

The old man replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge asked him why he had stolen the peaches and he replied that he was hungry. Then the judge asked him how many peaches were in the can. He replied, “Six.”

The judge then said, “Then I will give you six days in jail.”

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the man’s wife spoke up and asked if she could say something. The judge said, “What is it?” The wife says,”He also stole a can of peas and a bag of lima beans!!” … and then the fight began …

While a mother and her small son sat in the reception are of the doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as the mother thought about making small talk with the man, her little boy slipped off his mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man’s, he said, “I know how you feel. My mother makes me ride in the stroller too!”

The man smiled, then laughed.

One of my friends who is a pediatric nurse was telling me about how she did not like the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to the children.

She recounted, “One day I entered an exam room to give a 4-year-old, Lizzie her injection, and she started to scream, ‘No, No, No.’ ‘Lizzie,”scolded her mother, “that’s not polite behavior!” With that the little girl even yelled louder, ‘No, thank you! NO thank you! NO thank you!’” Yep, Lizzie got her shot and a double dose of candy!

One more from the kids? On the way back from a cub scout meeting, a young boy said to his Dad, “Dad, I know babies come from Mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?”

After the dad kind of hemmed and hawed awhile, the little boy spoke up in disgust, ” You don’t have to make up something, Dad. It’s OK if you don’t know!”

An older man’s wife had died and they were at the graveside service. The service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling off in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s up there!”

I will close with one for you to share with your friends and love ones: Keep a smile on your face … a song in your heart.

A smile … is a sign of joy! A hug … is a sign of love. A laugh … is a sign of happiness. And a friend like me … Well that’s just a sign of good taste! Gotcha! Aloha, gang … do good deeds … spread da laughter! A hui hou …