By Shay Bintliff, MD

Yes, I know…no laughter last week. Well, there is good reason. You see, I am writing a joke book, the title which is: “THE JOKES THEY WOULDN’T PRINT”. So, I thought I would pull my weekly article from it and just see what the editor would do. As predicted, they didn’t print it. So, now I am back to funnies for the whole family. ENJOY AND LOL!!

A man was walking on the beach one day at Puako and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it, and yes, there was a genie inside. The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only.” The man thought about his first wish and decided he wanted 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF!! Next he wished for a Ferrari, red in color. POOF!! There was the car in front of him. He then asked for his final wish, “I wish I was irresistible to all women.” POOF!! He turned into a box of chocolates!!

This genie gets around….There were three friends stranded on an island after their sailboat sank. Exploring the island, one of the men found a bottle and opened it. A genie came out, and she said that she would grant them three wishes. The first man said, “I wish I was with my family!” POOF! He then was with his family at home. The second guy said, “I wish I was in a bar with my friends!” POOF! He was gone. The third guy was feeling bad and looking sad, so the genie asked, “What’s wrong?” The man said, “I’m lonely and I wish my friends were here.” POOF!! His two friends were back on the island. Yep…be careful what you wish for.

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply did not improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and does not improve when given help, they take away the instrument and give him two sticks and make him a drummer!” Totally insulted, a voice from the percussion section was heard to say, “Yea, and if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor!” …and then the fight started…

A frustrated Mom went to her front door one morning and there stood a very nice woman who said, “I’m collecting for a Children’s Home. Would you like to contribute? The Mom responded, “I certainly would!” She then turned to her son’s door and shouted, “OK, Johnny, pack your bags!” (and what had he done??)

At a recent wedding party the photographer asked, “All the married men to please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.” The bartender was almost crushed to death! (bet you were not expecting that one)

A letter from a forlorn woman to her fiance: Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Will you please forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool and now know that no body can take your place. I love you, and will love you forever! All my love, Belinda. ps Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery. Can I help you celebrate????

And to close with a doctor joke…A physician was writing out a prescription for his patient who had very high blood pressure and heart trouble. He wrote for Diazepam 5 mg.(a tranquilizer). The patient’s wife asks, “Doctor, when are these medicines to be given to him?” The doctor responded: :These are to be taken by YOU! He needs rest!”

OK, my friends, remember: Speak softly and wear a loud aloha shirt! Be Well…Aloha…a hui hou.