Angela Thomas | Baby Steps columnist

Author’s Note:

On Jan. 24, a new member of our Waimea community was born. She is the daughter of a very dear friend and her husband. What a fortunate child to have been born into an extended family — both real and “calabash” — who will adore and celebrate her on a regular basis.

The birth of a new baby is a time for celebration and Peyton’s birth was no exception. She was born healthy, 8 lbs, 7 oz and 21 inches long — a full-term baby given all the prenatal advantages by a mother who was very careful about what she ate and drank during her pregnancy.

I thought it might be fun to follow Peyton’s journey through her first year and organize my columns around her development and her parents’ changing questions as she grows and her needs change.

Getting to know your newborn

While this is a joyous time, it can also be stressful — filled with anxiety about doing things right amplified by a lack of sleep. These first few weeks are an important time for family bonding and learning to communicate with your child.

Rhythms

Newborns have established rhythms. While the baby was still in the womb, there were periods of time each day when baby was asleep and times when she was awake. Mothers will probably remember times during the day or night when the baby was more active. Paying attention to this “schedule” will help as you and your new baby settle into a routine of waking and sleeping at home.

For the first three months, babies’ needs should be met on demand. It is impossible to “spoil” a child at this age, so don’t worry about that. Feeding, changing, sleeping or holding a child should be done in tune with your child’s rhythm. Sometimes it’s a guessing game to figure out why the baby is crying, but soon you will be able to differentiate between cries (hunger, tired) and even anticipate their needs. Planning ahead can help alleviate the crying and some stress on your part. For example, if you know your child will be hungry every three hours, have the bottle ready or be somewhere where you can breast-feed when it’s near the time.

After about three months, a child can begin to learn to be patient. For example, if a child is crying for a bottle, acknowledge the child’s needs by saying something like “I know you want a bottle. I’m warming it right now and then you’ll have some nice warm milk.” Planning outings around your child’s nap schedule also helps. Have you ever seen a parent dragging their screaming child around a store at Christmas? You know the child is tired, yet mom or dad insists on finishing the last of the shopping. No one is happy in this instance — not the child, not the parents and probably not the other shoppers.

Crying

Crying is baby’s way of communicating. Although all babies cry, this author believes you can actually teach a child to cry. Unmet needs result in more crying — longer and louder — and a child will learn he has to do this to get what he needs. A newborn crying for a prolonged period to get a bottle or to be picked up is learning that he is not important. He wants to get your attention and will do whatever he needs to do to get it. This is a basic survival instinct on the part of the child and our species. Plan ahead; anticipate needs, wash bottles while baby is asleep rather than when he is screaming for it, have clean diapers at hand.

Support

Hold your child. Get and use an infant front pack carrier or Snugli. Baby is happy as he can hear your heartbeat and feel you close and you can use your hands to do other things. These carriers are great ways to bond with your child and the straps are adjustable so other adults, dad especially, can also use it to carry baby.

Another valuable tool is a resource directory. A new 2012 updated version of the Rainbow of Resources for Hawaii Island Families will be available in March. You can ask for one by calling 987-8710. Access to a number of resources is just a phone call away. Use your directory to find help with breast-feeding, the WIC program that can help you purchase formula and other foods for baby and mom, support groups, playgroups and child care referrals. Many times parents don’t know who to call for help, and this directory includes a brief description of the services, as well as eligibility requirements if there are any.

Rest

It is important that you try to rest while baby sleeps. Even a short 10-minute nap can help. Your body is healing from pregnancy and delivery, you may be breast-feeding, which is another transition for your body, and you aren’t sleeping regularly since you are getting up at all hours of the night. No wonder you are tired. As you are now aware, a tired baby is a fussy baby, and the same goes for Mom. Don’t be ashamed to catch a quick nap — we all function better when we aren’t exhausted. Remember this saying, “A better me makes a better we.”

Enjoy this time. You have waited nine months for baby to arrive and now you have the opportunity to get to know your child — his personality, his likes and dislikes, the way he likes to be held, etc. Many mothers only have a few weeks at home before they have to go back to work, so this period is precious. Relax, use your instincts and don’t be afraid to hold, cuddle, massage, sing to, talk to, kiss and just love your baby.

Thomas can be reached at athomas@babystepshawaii.org.